Things I say in India that I NEVER say in the US...

(This is a repost of a note I wrote on Facebook)


“Close the door so the monkeys don’t come in.”

“Let’s consider buying our own Water Buffalo.”

“Did you boil that first?”

“Do you think we can carry this toilet seat on my scooter?”

“No thank you. I think I may be allergic to goat brains.”

“You will feel better if you ride with your eyes closed.”

“I hit a cow in the butt with my mirror.”

“Please wash your hands before you give me that IV. … wait. Is that a new needle?”

“I got up to get a glass of water and two bats flew by my head.”

“No, I do NOT believe that lizard is more scared of me than I am of it!”

“To get there, you turn left after the six story tall monkey with a loin cloth.”

Riding in stop and go traffic on my Scooter with Cassie on the back… “ummm. I think I just put my foot down in Buffalo poo.”

“Please make sure you remove all the feathers from the chicken.”

“I have to go to the bathroom. Please pull over by the next big tree you see.”

“She got there before me because I got stopped in a traffic jam – two cows were fighting in the middle of the road”.

“Did you SEE the SIZE of that rat!?”

What I say when I am teaching a ‘newbie’ how to cross the street…“It’s really simple. Think of yourself as being in a game of human Frogger. You are less likely to get splattered if you just keep moving.”

“I wonder what that was that we just ate?”

“Thank you God for toilet paper. Amen.”

While riding in a rickshaw surrounded by a herd of goats… “eeewww that goat just stuck his head in and sneezed on me!”

“No more pictures please. Trust me, I’m nobody famous.”

Said in an annoying high pitched cook woman’s squeal… “Sudhakaaaaaaa Sudhakaaaaaaa!!!” (It’s an inside thing =) )

Last but NOT least…… “oh, I have to go back to the home. I have Victoria’s eyeball in my pocket.”


Oh yes, and one more from Lindsey Eaton... "the electricity didn't go out today, it must be a holiday!".